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Ian Paisley dies one day, and obviously goes to Heaven. After meeting the guys at the pearly gates, an angel takes him on a quick tour round Heaven.
The first thing he comes to is a big room where the walls are completely covered in clocks. Suddenly one of the clocks in front of him advances by half an hour.
Obviously he asks the angel what's going on.
"Everyone on Earth has a clock here, that's all.
Every time the person on Earth has a
wank, their clock goes forward half an hour". He notices David Trimble's clock,
and thinks "Wow this is spooky!" and suddenly Trimble's clock winds forward half an hour.
Giggling, Paisley sees Peter Robinson's clock as well, which soon also goes forward 30 mins.
Very amused, he spies Rev Martin Smith's
clock...after a while this also winds on, and he is chuckling.
Finally he questions the angel..."okay, I can see all these clocks and I know they are having wanks here and there.
One thing , why hasn't Lindsay Brown got a clock?".
The Angel replies "oh he had, but we keep that
in the office and use it for a fan"
Why is Lindsay Brown going to Florida when he gets released?
Because he can't resist going to Tampa with the kids
A cruise ship hit an iceburg with a school trip from Bangor Grammar School onboard and was taking on water fast. There was a mad scramble to get to the lifeboats.
Someone said "shouldn't we let the kids on first?"
One teacher who was pushing people out of the way said "fuck the kids" and continued on.
Lindsay Brown upon hearing this looked at his watch and replied, "Do you think we have time?"
When is it time for Lindsay to go to bed?
When the big hand is on the little hand!!
Q: Why is Lindsay Brown like the turtle?
A: 'Cuz he got there before the hare.
What is the difference between Lindsay Brown + acne?
Acne doesn't usually come all over your face until you are 13.
"What is the difference between Pogo and a greyhound?"
A Greyhound waits till the hair comes out
Q: How do you circumcise a Bangor Grammar School teacher?
A: Kick a first former in the chin.
Pogo Brown was senteced to seven years in jail, he will be released after serving three and a half.
Well he always did enjoy half terms!
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